


I Choose You

by Hot_Damn_its_Kam



Series: Remember The Love [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: C-PTSD, College Applications, Columbia University, Established Relationship, Future Planning, Graduation, Growing Up, High School, Juliard, M/M, Moving On, Past Abuse, Secret(ish??) Relationship, Senior year, Shared Trauma, University of Cincinnati, University of Louisville, anxiety and depression, college acceptance, friendships, splitting up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24964063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hot_Damn_its_Kam/pseuds/Hot_Damn_its_Kam
Summary: Two years after being rescued from himself, John faces a difficult decision. Senior year is upon him, and everyone seems to know exactly what's in store for them. Alex and Laf both got into their first choice University, and Herc got his second. John has one chance to get everything right, and set himself up for the future he wants most, but if he screws this up, he may lose the one thing he's loved more than anything else. The Pressure is on...
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, George Washington/Martha Washington
Series: Remember The Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768414
Comments: 29
Kudos: 42





	1. Pressure

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Vic for their ideas and edits and so much more. I've really enjoyed getting to know you, and you deserve some credit. EVERYONE!! GO CHECK OUT THEIR STUFF. IT'S REAL NICE. ( [ @yosoytriste ](https://yosoytriste.tumblr.com/) on tumblr and [ Broadway_trashdump ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broadway_trashdump/pseuds/Broadway_trashdump) on AO3)
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:  
> "Generation Why" -- Conan Gray  
> "Rocket Man" -- Elton John  
> "Green Light" -- Lorde  
> "Good Job" -- Alicia Keys  
> "Fake Happy" -- Paramore  
> "Let Me Be Your Star" -- SMASH cast (feat. Kathrine McPhee and Megan Hilty)  
> "Older" -- Ben Platt  
> "Because of You" -- Kelly Clarkson  
> "Absolutely Smitten" -- Dodie  
> "Hard Place." -- H.E.R.  
> "Cold" -- Leslie Odom Jr.
> 
> Also, uh, TW: Mentions of Abuse and claustrophobia?? Kinda, it's brief. Also airsickness

O n e Y e a r L a t e r

* * *

John had holed himself up in the music room for weeks. Alex was sure the piano itself would tell him to come upstairs and eat eventually. He'd been acting strange ever since...

* * *

T w o W e e k s E a r l i e r

"It's here!!!" Alex screeched, busting into the Washington home and disturbing the calm tranquility of John's tea time in the kitchen (an after-school ritual he'd adopted a few months before when school had really been stressing him out).

John raised a brow and sipped from his mug, "What's here?"

Alex flapped an envelope in the air. **Columbia University in the City of New York** **.** John's heart skipped a beat. "What are you doing? Get George and Martha!! Where's Laf?" John shouted, his own excitement and anxiety getting the better of him. But he saw the hesitation in Alex's face.

"What are you waiting for?"

"What if... all this excitement is for nothing? I mean, I've dreamt of Columbia since I was a kid on the streets of Brooklyn, what if... what if I don't get it?"

John rolled his eyes as if Alex were crazy, "There's no way you didn't. Even then, they say the best kind of revenge is a life well lived, so you go somewhere else, and you show Columbia that they were stupid not to accept you."

Alex paused, thinking, and nodded, "But I think... I just want to open it with you. Save everyone the build up if I get rejected."

John reached for Alex's empty hand, squeezed it, "Okay."

_March 26, 20XX_

_Dear Alexander,_

_Congratulations_ _! Dean James J. Valentini and the Committee on Admissions join me in the most rewarding part of my job -- informing you that you have been selected for admission to Columbia College. As a member of the class of 20YY, you will be a participant in an academic community wealthy in intellectual and personal talents of every kind. We are fully confident that the gifts you bring to our campus are unique and valuable and that your abilities will be challenged and developed here._

_You and your family have every reason to be proud of the accomplishments we acknowledge today with this good news. It is our great pleasure to congratulate you on the accomplishments that have earned you this honor, and we eagerly anticipate the successes that you no doubt will enjoy at Columbia. We hope yo share your joy and excitement with the faculty at your school who have helped you reach this happy day._

_The Columbia faculty, students and administration look forward to welcoming you into a community that thrives on our combination of a curriculum that will elevate and inspire, a diverse, talented student boy, and a dynamic city with unparalleled opportunities. We know that you will make your own noteworthy contributions to the academic and personal excellence that has been the hallmark of Columbia since 1754. The coming years at Columbia promise to be lively and joyful ones indeed as we build on more that 260 years of achievement and distinction._

_To respond to your offer of admission, please go to our welcome website, designed specifically for the class of 20YY. If any member of the admissions staff can assist you in the days ahead, please do not hesitate to write or call._

_We are eager to have you join us next year,_

_Warmest regards,_

_Jessica Marinacco, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions and Financial Aid._

**"I did it!!"**

"You did it!" John squealed, wrapping Alex in a tight hug, "I knew you would. I'm so proud of you." 

"I'm going back to New York! I'm gonna go to Columbia!" Alex said, squeezing John right back.

"Yeah..." Said John, "New York!"

Alex pulled back and kissed John hot on the mouth, catching him by surprise.

"What was that for?" John sputtered.

"A thank you. For believing in me."

"Well, that can't be helped."

* * *

P r e s e n t

John leaned forward and scrubbed his eyes, wiped any evidence of tears. _Why had he been so stupid? He should have prepared for longer. He should have studied harder. He should have picked a different piece. It's too late. It's too late and he's going to leave you._ John sobbed again, curling tightly into himself.

"Jack?" A voice called, muffled by the door and distance, "Jack, it's been hours you should take a break," Getting closer. Door opening, "John, what are you- oh, honey..."

Alex whisked down the basement stairs and zoomed behind the piano to where John was sitting on the stool. Alex took a knee beside him, brushed a curl from his face and John turned from him.

Even though he couldn't _really_ see it, John could see the hurt on Alex's face in his own mind. The furrowed brow, the way his lower lip would tuck into his mouth when he would try to think of the right thing to say. John almost laughed at how pitiful it was that he had Alex's look of concern memorized. 

"John?" Alex whispered, "Hey, talk to me?"

John sniffled, trying to will himself to speak, but instead only tears came. _Pathetic._

Alex sighed, "Look, I'm trying here. What happened? What's wrong?"

John slowly turned his head to Alex. _God, that face could break a thousand hearts._ "Nothing," he lied, "Just got frustrated while practicing, got emotional, nothing to worry about." _Liar._

Alex's doubt was evident, "This doesn't look like frustrated John, or emotional John. This looks like defeated John."

John frowned, "Look Alex, I'm not looking for criticism right now."

Alex made that little cocky smirk, "I'm not not criticizing you. Just pointing out that there's something wrong and you're not telling me."

John just sighed and shook his head.

"Did you hear the good news?"

John raised a brow, a silent question.

"Laf got into Louisville."

"Really? Aw, that's awesome!" John said, smiling genuinely, if only for a moment.

Alex nodded, smiling back, then the dreaded question: "When's your audition?"

John gulped, his whole body suddenly heavy, "Wh-wha? Huh?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "Your Julliard audition, silly."

John visibly tensed, "Uh... next week."

Alex looked surprised, "What? I thought it was two weeks out!"

John shook his head, "Nope. Next Thursday."

Alex's expression changed, from surprised to concerned, "Is that why you're so upset?"

"No." _Fucking Liar._

"Jack, you've gotta be nervous!"

"I am." 

"So then why were you crying?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me, okay?!"

"What?"

John gulped. He hated spilling his guts. "I don't... I don't want you to leave. And I know it's selfish, and that you've always wanted to go back, to go to Columbia but I just..." More tears, "I can't survive without you."

Alex didn't speak for a moment. Then, "But you'll be right here with me. i looked up, Julliard and Columbia are only 15 minutes apart!"

"And what if I don't make it?! You know how selective they are! I'm a self taught musician, there's gonna be loads of rich kids who've got loads more resources than I do and-"

"You're a rich kid." Alex said, attempting at humor, but John only scowled. "And, Jack, you've got lots of things they don't. Those kids are going to be cold and calculated. Taught by doctrine and science and math, but you... you _really_ get it. Anyone who's ever heard you play or sing... it's hypnotic. You can't look away, you can't stop listening. You've got talent and hard work where they've got muscle memory. You've got feeling and emotion where they have precision. Okay? You're different, and if those bitches at Julliard can't see that... screw 'em."

John smiled, rubbing a hand over his face. "How are you so good at reading me?"

Alex laughed, "I guess it's instinct."

"I love you..." John said, his voice breaking, "God, I love you Alex. I-I-"

"Hey, hey," Alex whispered, wrapping his arms around John from behind, "I love you too, okay. and anywhere I'm going, you're coming with me. I need you just as much as you need me." John could hear the warble in Alex's tone, telling him he was also on the verge of tears.

"I... I need to practice."

"No, what you _need_ is to take a break and come watch some Futurama with me."

John rolled his eyes and closed the fallboard of the piano once more, " 'kay."

* * *

T u e s d a y 

John always hated planes. Really just small spaces in general. He never called himself claustrophobic, but after years on years of hours and hours locked in closets, he tended to try and stay away from them. 

So planes were no exception, but at least there were windows and a bathroom. Thankfully, Alex was there to hold his hand through it all. 

When they'd told George and Martha about what had been going on between them (Alex's idea), they were kind and understanding. They obviously made some ground rules:

  *     *       *         *           * No sleeping in the same bed (Except for when Alex has nightmares)  
  

          * If they're alone, they can have the door shut, but it must stay unlocked
          * Don't do anything stupid or inappropriate



Pretty straightforward, and everyone agreed it was reasonable. So now they could hold hands and be sweet without feeling like they had to hide. And when John needed support like he did now, it was worlds of helpful. 

Alex fastened his lap belt and then laced his fingers with John's, "Your palms are sweaty... nervous flyer?"

John gulped, and retorted instead of answering, "Have you ever even been on a plane?"

Alex's jaw dropped as he feigned offense, "Ex- _cuse_ me?! Yes, I _have_ flown before, thank you very much!"

John giggled and squeezed Alex's hand, "My deepest apologies."

Alex pressed his lips to John's knuckles, "Naw, 's okay. But seriously, are you okay?"

John gnawed at his lower lip, "I'm good, just small spaces freak me out a little."

Alex patted his knee, "I'm right here."

And that was all he needed.

| ~ |

About halfway through the flight they hit some turbulence. Lafayette had been jabbering in front of them about how excited he was about his first trip to New York, and notice that John looked a little green. 

"John?" Lafayette's smooth voice drawled, "You look ill."

"I'm good," John said, but his voice was strained and quiet.

Alex laughed at him, only a little, "Hun, you look like you're about to blow chunks. I love you but if you throw up on me I don't know if we can come back from that."

John felt his stomach twist at the mention of getting sick. "Can we change the subject?" he whimpered.

Alex frowned, "Yeah, sorry.

| ~ |

A voice came over the loudspeaker after they landed, "Thank you, thank you for flying American! I'm Captain Jennings, have a wonderful afternoon!"

John could not get off that plane fast enough. 


	2. Strength

W e d n e s d a y - O n e d a y u n t i l a u d i t i o n

* * *

John paced the hotel room, his fingers wiggling and lip moments from bleeding based on how hard he was chewing it.

Alex sighed, "Look John, I'm dizzy just from watching you. Get out of your head, I can't do this anymore."

John glared at him, "Alex, I really am not in the mood. If you don't want to watch me freak the fuck out, you can _leave._ "

"Rude." Laf muttered, not even looking up from his kindle.

John flopped onto the bed, "I'm sorry guys, I just... I'm so nervous."

Alex rolled his eyes playfully, "Really? I couldn't tell!"

John huffed.

"Look," Alex said, sitting on the edge of John's bed and leaning over him, "I'm not saying I wouldn't be shitting my pants too, but if you stay in your head like this you're not going to do yourself any favors."

John glared at him, "Alex, I can't just _not do anything._ This audition is going to make or break the next 10 years of my life. If I don't get this I-I... I don't know what I'm gonna do, so excuse me for being a little bit nervous!"

Alex closed his eyes, "Jack, I understand, just please stop-"

"NO!" John shouted, sitting up, then standing, "No you don't understand! Mr. _I got Into My Dream School Practically Without Trying and Have My Entire Life Planned Out and Will Be Super Successful._ I'm not _like you_ , Alex. So please do not tell me you know what this feels like."

The shock and hurt on Alex's face were obvious.

Laf did look up this time, "John! That was uncalled for."

John's eyes glazed with tears of frustration.

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean it."

"You're right," Alex said, surprising everyone.

John frowned, "What?"

"You're right. You're not like me, and I don't understand what _this_ particular experience is like. But I do know what fear feels like, and I do know what you're like when you're stressed. You lash out or you bottle it up, or in this case both. You have something you want to say, but you won't say it. But I'm not gonna sit here and take your crap if you're not gonna be honest."

A warning glance from Laf said 'reel it in'.

"So, if you need to, take a walk or something. I'm done being shouted at, thank you."

John felt so many things: Realization that he was wrong, remorse, anger, fear, _abandonment._

Alex wanted him to leave.

John stood there a moment, and in true Rachel Berry fashion, grabbed his phone and stormed out (I'm taking this sentence out, but I figured I would try and make you laugh).

-

The city was hot and crowded, two things John hated. However, he found he didn't hate it as much as he would hate it in downtown Charleston or God forbid Virginia Beach.

John shoved his hands in his pockets and just _wandered._ In no particular pattern and with no end goal. He would say that he were trying to clear his head, but what he really wanted to do was kill his mind. End any thought. 

The city was beautiful though, he tried to focus on other things— the smooth grass as he crossed through Central Park, running his hand along the rough rocks that line the path at hip height. The sound of the leaves rustling and bringing a cool summer breeze was music to his ears and a welcome distraction. 

Next thing he knew, he found himself sitting on a subway station bench, wringing his hands and people watching. He vaguely noted the small 3-person band playing several yards away.

People passing by dropped small wads of cash or spare change in the keyboard case on the ground. John found himself rocking back and forth, humming.

He decided to walk up, join the small crowd around them and toss them some change.

Their rendition of "Bad to the Bone"ended and people clapped and went their separate ways.

But John hung around as another small group formed when the train arrived.

The ever recognizable opening melody to Ben E. King's "Stand by Me" begins, but when just before the lyrics begin, the singer says, "Any of y'all want to give it a shot? You miss?"

A tiny lady with dark hair hides in her jacket (really lady? A jacket in May? John thought) and shakes her head.

"You sir?" He says to a burly looking businessman, who waved his hand in dismissal.

John felt a sudden surge of confidence, and he'd barely registered the fact that the words even left his mouth when he said "I'll do it!"

The man smiled, side-stepped away from the mic and made an 'after you' motion.

Fuck

John walked up feebly, feeling that wave of confidence drain immediately.

He tried to convince himself that he could use the practice. He looked back at the drummer and pianist behind him, who smiled and nodded. They counted off, and without even thinking (for the umpteenth time that day) John sang.

"

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we'll see

No I won't be afraid

Oh, I won't be afraid

Just as long as you stand,

stand by me

So darling, _darling_

Stand

by me,

oh stand by me

Oh stand,

stand by me

Stand by me

If the sky that we look upon

Should tumble and fall

Or the mountain should crumble to the sea

I won't cry

I won't cry

No, I won't shed a tear

Just as long as you stand,

stand by me

And darling,

darling

Stand

by me,

oh stand

by me

Oh stand now,

stand by me

Stand by me

Darling

darling

Stand by me,

oh stand by me

Oh stand now,

stand by me,

stand by me

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me

Oh stand by me,

oh won't you stand now, stand

Stand by me...

"

John opened his eyes, not even noticing he'd closed them. It was like time had stopped.

People just stared, trance-like. Then, as if the bubble had popped, the whole station applauded.

It was overwhelming. John felt like he may explode. Or throw up. The band's singer patted (or smacked, more like) him on the shoulder, "Damn kid, sure showed me up."

John laughed nervously, watching as people threw change into the instrument case.

"Mind staying? You keep bringing in cash like that, we may have to keep you 'round for good! We'll give you a cut."

John looked stunned, "W-wow uh... I actually am just visiting, and I couldn't take your money. But I'd love to stick around and jam for a bit."

The man shrugged, "Sure kiddo. What'cha in town for?"

"Audition," John said vaguely, looking down at his shoes.

"Well, what for?" He said, as if the question had been obvious.

John gulped, shrinking further into himself, "U-uh... school. Juilliard."

The man whistled lowly, "Daaaamn, I knew we had talent on our hands. All right, 'nough chit chat, whaddaya say we do another? You and I?"

-

Three hours. That's how long John sang with them. Then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Alexander.

"Hey, I gotta take this, my friends are probably worried."

The man (in hindsight, John regretted never learning his name) just nodded and smiled, shooing him.

John slid the green icon, "Heeelloooo?"

"Where the fuck have you been??!"

John laughed, "Um, on a walk, kinda."

"I hear music, don't tell me you're at a bar."

"No, subway station."

"Martha wants you back, she's worried. She yelled at us for like an hour for not going with you."

John shakes his head, "Sounds like her. Yeah, don't worry I'm on my way. I'm pretty sure I can find my way back."

"Pretty sure???"

"I'll call a cab if I need to. Or call up my good friend Google Maps to help me out."

He heard Alex sigh and could practically see the concern on his face, "Okay. Be careful."

"Aren't I always?"

"You're not funny."

"Yes I am. I'm hanging up now."

Three beeps. Of course Alex had to do that. Fucking rude.

This time, John didn't wander on his way back. He ended up just following the walking instructions on his phone.

When he finally arrived, John reached into his pocket and found that he'd left his room key inside. He knocked once, twice, on the third, the door swung open to reveal a disapproved looking Laf.

"Where have you been?!" he shouted as John pushed past him.

"Busking."

"Huh?"

John didn't answer, but tossed his phone and wallet on the night table. The bathroom door opened and out stepped Alex, "Oh good. I thought that was you," He said to John.

John just kinda smiled, flopping on the bed and closing his eyes.

"That walk must've really calmed your nerves," he heard Alex say, and John could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"Mmmmhmmm..." The sound was between a hum and a sigh. John hadn't felt this much... serenity in so long, and Alex was interrupting.

"Well, it's about 4:30. George and Martha want us in the lobby by five so we can all go out for dinner."

"Kay."

John knew that Alex and Laf felt tension. Awkward silence. But right now John just felt _himself._ Something he hadn't felt in so _long_. And it felt _good._

"John? Hey are you okay?"

John opened his eyes, feeling moisture on his cheeks, "Oh, uh, yeah. Happy. I'm really happy. That's all.

-

Dinner was wonderful, but John's oddly calm air did not go unnoticed, though it wasn't unwelcome. They all went back to their rooms, and went to bed, excitement hanging in the air.

T h u r s d a y - A u d i t i o n D a y

* * *

John woke up with a start. He'd been almost completely unable to stay asleep that night. He kept waking up and sending himself into dreadful spirals, which woke Laf and Alex up almost every time as well. Not only was he embarrassed, but he had gotten no more than 3 hours of sleep.

Perfect.

He climbed out of bed and stumbled blindly into the bathroom (Alex had insisted on closing the blackout curtains). Flipping the light switch, he saw just how terrible he looked. His eyes were puffy and dark. His whole body felt stiff and shaky. His throat felt dry. _He couldn't do this._

He leaned forward, elbows on the counter. He tugged at his hair. _Hopelesshopelesshopeless_

"John?" He heard a sleepy voice mumble. And it's coming closer, "Wha's goin' on?"

"I'm fine," He said, though his voice betrayed him.

The door slid open, Alex muttering, "Hope you're decent."

John didn't move. Alex, still waking up, took in the sight in front of him.

"What's going on? What can I do?"

For a while, John didn't answer. Then he sighed and said, " If I can't even get it together enough to audition, how can I expect to get in?"

John heard Alex sigh, then felt arms wrap around his torso, "John, how many times am I going to say it before I convince you? You are _so_ worthy of this. You've worked so hard. Alright?"

John let out a soft whine, "But what happens if it falls through?"

"Don't speak it into existence!" Alex teased.

John collapsed against him dramatically, Alex barely catching him.

"Come on, lets get you ready."

* * *

Alex paced outside the bus stop. John had insisted on doing this as independently as possible. He'd texted that he was on his way back nearly 45 minutes ago. Now everyone was waiting (im)patiently for his return.

Then the bus arrived. Squealing to a halt, Alex peered over the other patrons, and lit up when he saw John's face. As soon as he could, he wrapped him up in a tight hug. Everyone bombarded him with questions. A wide smile spread across John's face. But Alex caught something.

Dishonesty.

* * *

John had tried his best to forget about Juilliard. He knew he wasn't going to get in. How did he know? He'd completely flubbed his audition. Like froze up and broke down flubbed. 

Honestly, John couldn’t even stand to think about the god damned audition, every time he did it was just sour— a sour taste in his mouth, a sour feeling of absolute embarrassment in his chest. He should’ve slept, he should’ve practiced more, he should’ve rescheduled to give himself more time. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to relive it again. 

Alex knew something had happened, but John refused to tell him what. He supposed he would just have to wait for the letter.

And when it came.

Well...

**Dear John,**

**Thank you for participating in the auditions for the Juilliard School. We appreciated the opportunity to become acquainted with you and your talents.**

**As a result of your audition and application evaluation by the Composition Faculty and Committee on Admissions it's with regret we must inform you-**

John stopped Alexander, "You can stop there."

Alex didn't know what to say, "John I-"

"It's fine, I kinda knew it anyway," He said sadly, "I blew the audition."

Alex's ears perked up at that, "You couldn't have screwed up that badly."

"I blanked. And I just kinda... Like... Like I was staring off, and they tried to tell me I could try again but I couldn't _move. I couldn't breathe._ They wheeled me out."

Alex was stunned, "Wh... Why didn't you say anything?! We could've told them what happened! Did you have a-a flash back, or-"

"No. I just wasn't ready. I'd barely slept... I didn't earn it."

Alex was frozen. Why would he do this? Why would he not do anything?

John stood up, "I'm gonna go lay down. So..."

Alex caught his sleeve, "I need to tell you something."

John stared at him, looking frustrated.

"I did something. And you might be really upset. But I had to do it so please... please don't be angry."

"Alex?" John asked, his head falling to his stomach. Alex was never so unsure of himself, and he never did _anything_ without running it by him first, "What did you do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so SO SOOOOOO sorry this took as ling as it did. I hit a really rough patch, and then had a lot of trouble getting back on the bandwagon for this one. Thank you all for your continued patience and support. Much love! Please, please leave a comment or critique, I love to hear from you! Or say hi on tumblr @thekookiestkandi I love you all! Next chapter will be the very last in the series (though I may do a oneshot collection in the future just cuz I love this verse), so thank you sososososososoooooooooooooSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!
> 
> \- Kam


	3. Breaking the Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .... I know okay there's no need to tell me this is damn late

"What did you do?"

_What did you do?_

_What did you do?_

_What did you do?_

For a moment, Alex's brain shorted out.

**_What had he done?_ **

"Alex?"

Alex blinked, once, twice, "I ah... I. I applied you for another school."

.

.

.

"What?"

Alex inhaled deeply.

"I may have... gone behind your back aaaand, applied you at NYU."

"What?" John repeated, Alex's words not sinking, just bouncing off.

Alex chewed his lip and led John to his desk. He pulled out an envelope.

"Alex, I could get in some serious trouble if anyone-"

"I can't go to New York without you, Jack. I don't think I can... breathe without you. If you can't come with me... I don't wanna go."

John stared at him, words failing.

"So... I was just gonna shred it, cuz I figured you wouldn't need it. But... this might our last shot so..."

"Our?" John said all warbley.

Alex nodded, "If you stay... so will I."

"You can't!! You hafta- yo-you... Alex you got a full ride scholarship to Columbia... you can't just throw that away!"

"We'll see about that," Alex said, pushing the unopened envelope into John's hands.

John carefully tore it open. Alex searched his eyes as he read.

"Alex..."

"Yeah?"

"You're incredible."

"So you keep telling me. You... you got it?"

John nodded, tears creating shimmering paths down his cheeks.

"Yeah."

Alex crushed him into a hug.

"You were about to give up all your dreams for me...?"

"John."

"Yeah?"

"You were the dream."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES ITS SHORT AND BAD BUT IT'S THE BEST YOU'RE GONNA GET PLZ LEAVE COMMENT AM THIRSTY BITCH THANK
> 
> Hey but no yeah uhhhh
> 
> If you like this you may also like my fic _Always Have, Always Will_ that is deeply related to my struggles with OCD, or _Beyond Words_ , which is co-written with @Broadway_trashdump and is about the struggles of a certain hamilton character I love to torture (can you guess?) struggling with Transcortical-Motor Aphasia after a car accident that caused brain damage. Linked Below!
> 
> [ Always Have, Always Will](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27482005/chapters/67195261)
> 
> [ \ - - Beyond Words - - /](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25429822/chapters/61673449)
> 
> [ Broadway_trashdump (aka @yosoytriste on tumblr) ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broadway_trashdump/pseuds/Broadway_trashdump)
> 
> [ My Tumblr @hot-damn-its-kam ](https://hot-damn-its-kam.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't use actual years in the admission letter bc I didn't want this fic to age weird.
> 
> Please leave comments! I need them!
> 
> Say Hi on tumblr @thekookiestkandi
> 
> ALSO!!! NEXT CHAPTER IS JOHN'S AUDITION SOOOO PRAY FOR HIM


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